31 August, 2010

I'm not questioning your lifestyle. But why do you do it?

I'm into Marilyn Manson. In a big way. It all started with Kerrang! and ''This Is The New ----'', swiftly followed by ''Tainted Love'' (courtesy of Viva), and then ''Sweet Dreams [Are Made Of This]''. It got me thinking; is he really like that all the time? It must get slightly wearing to swing your feet out of bed each morning, plant them on the cold, unforgiving marble floor (I'm just improvising here; Marilyn Manson doesn't really have a marble floor, and if he did, I'm sure he'd have invested in under-floor heating; he can probably afford it, if he's squandering money on the aforementioned marble flooring), and shuffle in a martyred fashion towards the door, with the intention of going to the bathroom, or the nearest mirror, to grease up your hair, glue on your eyelashes, and change the pallor of your face to a subtle...ghost. To prod into your world-weary eyes the trademark milky-white contacts with the dark, soul-less pupil with a cracked, charred fingernail. And then there's his fans. They really intrigue me, if truth be told. A whirlwind of black, lace, fishnet, eyeliner and hairdye, they seem perfectly content; but they don't seem at all comfortable. I mean, I daresay you and I have had an off-day before now, where all we want is comfortable jeans and a familiar T-Shirt, as opposed to something more becoming; these people (I don't want to label them with an overrated title, such as 'Goth' or 'Emo'. Categorising people is outdated, patronising and faintly ignorant) amaze me. You could starve them of sleep, human contact and daylight for a year, but give them black cosmetics, funeral attire, screaming music and a lifetime's supply of energy drinks and you wouldn't see them for dust. Sometimes I wish I could be more like that...immune to the conflicts of human nature. It's truly incredible. But do these people really exist? Does their lifestyle choice really make them so immune to the trials and tribulations of daily life? Maybe I should ask Dita Von Teese...

Being careful.

In this day and age, what with all the health warnings, global warning and other such doom-mongering stories, it's refreshing to see people who actively go out and wear their lives on their wrists. I know that seems like an awful thing to say...woaaaaahhh! Don't think that. Just hear me out, OK? Hold on! Steady! Anyway...yes, I mean people who will wake up ino the morning and think, 'I'm going to do something really stupid/potentially life-threatening today'. And they do this because they need to prove to themselves that life really IS precious. All these silly people, spewing endless jargon about how important and special life is, how we should live everyday as our last...well, they don't practice what they preach. Me, for example; here I am, writing this post, hiding behind my laptop screen from the world (not literally, of course. That would be silly.), encouraging you to 'get out there!' and 'take on the world!' and yet the most exciting thing I've ever done is stay up until 5:00AM for no apparent reason. Yes. I live my life on knives' edge, and of course you should do the same. You should think to yourself that instead of being stuck in the endless monotony of commuting, working, commuting, eating, sleeping, commuting etc. etc. you should instead do something so outrageous, and funny and bold, that thinking about it years after still gives you goosebumps...you should streak through your local Debenhams, or Primark. Maybe jump into the canal. Run through many photos in tourist-trap London. Dare yourself to do something that only the midly attention-seeking and/or mentally deficient would attempt. Do something so big, that in the run up to it, a million and one thoughts are rushing through your head, and only 1/8 of them totally make sense, whilst adrenaline courses through your trembling, weakened body. And when you've done this thing, get back to me. Tell me excactly how it felt, and what it was that you did. Good luck!

Popularity and other myths.

I've been thinking a lot lately...what excactly is it that attracts people to the great and good like bees to honey? For example, there are a disgusting amount of people in my school Year, who all look excactly the SAME; foundation, straightened hair, short skirts, high pitch voices, the necessary tales of their many sordid encounters, and of course that buzz that swamps all of them, and draws their followers in. I don't know what it is, and it's been playing on my mind rather a bit today; hell, does it really even exist? I think of these people as snake charmers, to their unwilling victims; as long as the right words, with the right degree of self-assurance and confidence, are spoken, the victims will succumb. God knows I'm NOT popular. I used to be; I think. In Infant School. Year 2 were my heydays. But from then on, it all slipped away. I mean, I have friends (sometimes). I have a lovely, lovely boyfriend and a thrilling repertoire of memories shared with the people that I love to keep me going. But I've never had what every other girl my age seems to have :) I've never been able to blag my way through each friendship, broadcast my bitchfights over the Internet etc. etc. I think that's a good thing though. I'm sick to death of every popular girl. Yes, you're popular. Yes, you have more friends, admirers and experience than me. But by jumping on the popularity bandwagon, you're just like everyone else. First, they wipe your mind and imagination clean, gather up your intuition, ambition and self-respect and throw them away. This deperesses me. The best a girl about my age can say now is, 'Urgh. I didn't put on ANY make-up today, I look like _________' (Fill in the blanks). Is this REALLY what teenage girls are reduced to? Dithering wrecks who can't go anywhere without perfect hair, too much makeup and the VERY LATEST music blaring in their ears. Where's the girl who reads too much, and listens to Marilyn Manson and Blink-182? The girls who is perfectly comfortable bumbling along, doing her own thing, and who's boyfriend is HER best friend? The one who doesn't care about fashion, music or actions, and merely does what makes her happy? Well, she's sitting at her laptop, writing this Blog Post as we speak. I know from experience, my readers, dear readers, that popularity really isn't all it's cracked up to be. And, despite its bland, superficial face, it really is quite vicious.

30 August, 2010

That funny little thing called...Life.

Oh dear, I bet I've raised your expectations now. This isn't going to be a deep, philosophical vent over the Internet. Sorry to disappoint; no, I just need to talk. And talk, and type, and think, and forget :) Oh I don't know. I'm sorry, this must seem to be a little disjointed at the moment, and I really have no idea why. I'm messed up; I think. I do have it pretty good right now, and for some reason Winter has been playing on my mind. I miss the high, clear skies, the frosty air and the crunchy ground. I miss the excitement before Christmas, and the mellow months after it. I miss the shivers of cold and anticipation before my birthday, and before Hallowe'en. But most of all, I miss the whole sense that something just...FITS in Winter. In Summer, it's all about flirting, feeling good and looking pretty. And sex. But in Winter, no-one cares :) everyone drifts around with something to do, or someone to see, but no really PURPOSE. In Winter, there is no tension in the air. There is no expectation. There is cold, there is clean, there is clear. There is also the mounting sense that a New Start could be just what everyone needs. And even if the New Year leaves some of us behind, the sense of optimism, wellbeing and hope that presides it. I miss Winter. It's the dark, early mornings, and the dark, early nights. The warmth that spreads steadily through your body as soon as you seek out shelter from the biting Britsh cold. The flurry of multi-coloured scarves at school, each representing a little bit about the person who wears it. The endless arguements with the teachers about what clothing is and isn't acceptable in the classroom, and the romance that seems to fill Winter to it's icy brim. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what has been plaguing my mind for a while now. Sometimes, when I breathe in deeply enough, I can feel the hit of clean, cold air smacking my lungs.

Three days and counting...

Ah, well here I am again, back in my humble wooden chair in my humble purple bedroom with my humble cup of coffee...
It is now officially three days (eerk) until we return to school, and for me, that means Year Nine; which subsequently means Mentoring, GCSE options, Science and RE GSCE's and Double or Triple Science selection. I am SO SCARED. Let's start with the easiest.
Mentoring- I was so happy when I got chosen to be a mentor at the end of Y8, because as far as I could tell, that meant helping out the little angels that were new to this big, bad school. Mmm. Not so much. I think the thing is, they don't like being patronised because they're young, dumb and full of 'enthusiasm' as my Dad very cleverly once put it :) no, they think that Mentoring is patronising, when in reality, without us, they would know nothing ;)
GCSE options- this isn't so bad...in October, I get to choose which subjects I would like to carry on with, and which I would like to drop, which does mean good things; I get to give up Geography and focus on History, I get to drop Music and focus on Art, I get to leave behind Dance and focus on Drama etc. etc. the list goes on. It should be a good opportunity to really apply myself like I know I need to, and obviously I will be keeping my blog updated so whichever poor souls are reading this utter drivel can see how I get on.
Science & RE GCSE's (Look!! More Ampersands!)- I'm now in an A* Science group, which is the projected mark I'm expected to get on my GSCE's. This also means that all four A* sets across Year Nine have to partake in a big written assessment in December, which determines (along with the level of homework, classwork, behavious in class and commitment) whether I get the Double Science or Triple Science course. I am, of course, aiming for Triple, since that would mean 3 GSCE's, and therefore a better record.
RE I'm not too worried about. Aside from the fact that we've had such Godawful (no pun intended) RE teachers for the past two years, and I've still done consistently well in my exams, I'm not worried; I can always blame the awful level of teaching for my bad marks :) and anyway, the only point of RE is to learn empathy. Whilst I might not always be tactful, or diplomatic, I am empathetic Goddammit! (Sorry...) and what's more, I don't plan to be going into a career which requires a fundamental belief in Him; a Jehovah's Witness is not, alas, on my agenda. For now...

Hopefully, after all this 'venting', I will look upon my forthcoming exams with a renewed sense of optimism, and comfidence. I don't think so...
But I have all of my school stuff ready (because I am oh SO responsible), and I shall set it out all neatly and nicely before the first day. Wish me luck!