04 September, 2010

Let's get scientifical...tifical...

I'm sat here (yet again; I could make a career out of this.) eating. Again. This time, it's bourbon biscuits, and as everyone knows, the only way to eat such a biscuit (this also goes for Oreos, Custard Creams and- for the most adventurous, Jammy/ie Dodgers) is to take the top of, put it to one side- because a plain old biscuit top merely inspires a sense of depression in the consumer- and lick the filling. No-one knows what this filling is, but it makes the eater happy. Very happy. In fact, when you're eating the filling (not the biscuit; the biscuit becomes obselete by this stage), a thought runs continuously through your head; mm, this is really rather nice. Not too nice, because the healthy part of my brain is talking to me, telling me that it is just sugar, which I know, but all the same does hinder the enjoyment OF said mystical filling, but even so; why don't they make it by the bucketful? Creamy-magical-biscuit-filling (CMBF) is in fact none of these things. It is a nice thing. And nice things make no sense, especially in food terms; for example...cookies? Meh, they're not too high on my list of food-related priorities, but whatever. Raw cookie dough? OMNOMNOMNOMNOM. Chocolate? of course. How you could even ponder such a thing is beyond me; melted chocolate? Oh...my resolve is being weakened by those two words somewhat, forcing me to give an unnessecary commentary on my emotions...YES, it IS better than normal chocolate! And the list goes on. It is scientifically proven that nice things are made better with (believe it or not) unorthodox methods. Whoever thought of melting the chocolate to make it nicer? Who, you ask, was the pioneer of cookie dough? Did they not, at some point during the pioneering process, fear for their lives? Was there at any point a risk of Salmonella? I don't know. Give the boy a bone; he did well. Things always taste better when you know that you aren't eating them thee way they were intended to be eaten. Strawberries dipped in chocolate? Madness! Tasty madness. And cream? Ahhh...cream. The best thing about this world contained in a single, pearlescent (depending on how long you stare at it for) orb of deliciousness. No, I'm not a cream fanatic. In case you didn't know, I'm lactose intolerant. No, I'm just kidding. I hope you got the sarcasm there; I'd hate to think that my time, effort, humour and inclination were being wasted on...*looks round nervously* chavs. Chavs do not get humour. Unless it resides on a lone, dank, probably potentially lethal service-station toilet wall in Clackett Lane Services on the way to Gatwick. I'm sorry, I'm leaping frenzedly from one subject to the other. But as I have often said in the past, never regret a good waste of time. G'night!

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