06 October, 2010
Amateur dramatics. Pfft.
Crying is what teenage girls seem to do for a living. Extra-curricular activities? Sobbing. Hobbies? Wailing. Career preference? Manic depressive. I guarantee you that every day one girl in twelve (the number of girls in my tutor group of course, not just any old number that I happened to choose at random...due to how numbers ''make me feel''...) will come drifting into the tutor room, much like that of a ghost who is retained from drifting into the Afterlife by the sheer amount of foundation weighing her down. She will proceed to sling her (probably Primark, definitely tacky) bag onto the desk (heavily graffiti'd (?), despite the feeble warning, in the shape of a piece of grubby white paper tacked pathetically on the door, reminding us that as of February 2006, these desks have been extensively cleaned and anyone caught in the act of vandalism shall be severely punished. I mean, for heaven's sake, surely even these fails of teachers are forced to face the truth; a very out of date warning bears no MEANING. For God's sake), before sighing loudly, actively looking around as if to say, ''Why, oh why am I not being noticed?''. I mean, at this point, it's all I can do not to fling myself over their desk (avoiding the graffiti, mind you) and throw my hand to my fevered brow with a look of anguish stapled upon my face. But I don't. Because that would be instigating another fight. But again, I digress (cor, look at me, digressing all over the shop), because the point I am trying to make is that we Britons (did I get that right? Or am I now racist?) are not a nation open to subtlety and hints. We need information, and we need it now if we want to make any progress. Please, next time something is wrong, don't tell me! I don't care. But maybe you wouldn't mind printing it on the whiteboard in BLOCK CAPITALS LIKE THIS? Or perhaps producing a billboard with excactly what is wrong printed on it in swirly, girlish, faux-handwriting, like this? Either way, just stp with the pathetic whimpers and anorexic-model poses. PLEASE. It does not make you any more endearing to anyone you know, like or are trying to impress. On the contrary, it just makes you seem a little bit slow. And not in the attractive way, my dears, in the way that suggests your Mum dropped you on the head when you were a baby. For goodness' sake, have some self-respect. Men seldom make passes at girl who wear glasses adittedly, but they just bypass the writing mass of fake tan and mascara with a look of horror embedded on their faces.