10 October, 2010

People. And vegetarians.

Ugh. They're like vermin, aren't they? They come in all shapes and sizes, trundling at a murderous 30mph pace down the A4...bumping into you in the street, lacking common decency to apologise or excuse themselves...convincing themselves that of course they know best, and so rule your life, very much like what I assume to be ''The Man'' did, back in the day. But I'm not a freedom fighter. I wish I was; then I wouldn't have to wash and I could grow a beard, but hey. I'm not complaining, but it would be nice to have that option. Oh well, life goes on.
Yes! People. So, they've become somewhat of a hindrance in my daily life. I practically have to lock myself in the comfort of my own home to get away from them. Vegetarians and vegans! I respect you, I do; you have enough courage to say what you think is wrong and then actually do something about it, right? So, thank you. But please, please (and I cannot stress this enough) do NOT drag your beliefs, kicking and screaming into my routine. I'm perfectly happy with putting chopped up carcass into my mouth on pretty much a daily basis. I like meat, I'm partial to fish as well. The only thing I draw the line at is eating something with a face still attached to it, although I must concede I can rather see the appeal some days; you always win the staring competitions, you can eat the eyes first. This must look remarkably like a paragraph of expletives to any of the audience that it is directed at, I suppose. But the point I was trying to come to before I got distracted by eyes and faces and such was the fact that everywhere you go, there's always a protest, a guilt-inducing billboard or a sanctimonious advert, and I'm sick of it! For heaven's sake, what's wrong with everyone? If I want to enjoy my cow carcass in a bun, don't deny me that privilege! And as for all the brain-dead individuals that insist that EATING MEAT IS MURDER and that we should put ourselves into that situation, well no; because that's cannibalism, the practice of which IS illegal, so I wouldn't hold your breath. Fine, to any of you who disagree with my rather eloquent point of view, fine. But remember that I am always right, and that all of the animals you supposedly ''saved'' have just gone to America now, so you didn't really do very much but deny yourself the fundamental need of protein in a faintly martyred fashion, didn't you? Now go and have a shave.

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