17 October, 2010

Useless things; mainly advertising.

Why do people invent, produce and then proceed to endorse such useless pieces of rubbish? For example, there I was, sitting quite contentedly with my CarcassInABun when all of a sudden, godawful Muzak (it wasn't even Music; I mean, come on!) started oozing through the speakers of the TV like a monstrous, noxious gas. It clouded my senses and made me think I was going to die somewhat; eventually, I recovered and turned my attention back to the ''advert'' on the television. There, I found a dancing, badly animated PIGEON. All of of God's creatures, the advertising company HAD to pick a PIGEON?! For the love of Amsterdam. to those of you who are blessedly unfamiliar with he concept of a dancing pigeon and Muzak, let me explain the purpose. This advert was for http://www.funkypigeon.com which is basically a cheap rip-off of Moon Pig, only with a rubbish name. The Muzak by now had lyrics, namely ''Funky Pigeon dot commmmm...'' until you could stand no more but to throw something, like your cat at the television (ha, see what I did there? Cats?? And pigeons?! No? Never mind.) before crying with a pillow taped to your nose. Yes, this is the effect the advert had on me. Never watch it, unless you do not cherish your brain in a such a manner as to not want to see it ooze out of your face in such a manner reminiscent of primeval slime. Anyway, moving on before I cry. The other nail-bitingly pointless examples include; that old favourite, Go Compare! with the fat, evil-looking Welshman singing in a cringeworthy opera voice; also, We Buy Any Car (dot com). Surely this advert must be banned on account of flashing images, unsavoury content and provoking of intent to kill? An advert that is exempt from this would be Compare The Market...none of my family can do the meerkat noise but we all love it, because it is funny and original. These two concepts are something that I fear the others have failed to consider, dare I say it, possibly overlooked completely. To digress slightly (woohoo!), did you know that the Geordie guy from Alan Partridge (character name: Michael) voices Aleksander? Oh how I want to be that meerket. And live in wonderful little meerkat land.

YES. Anyway, the point is that all who make these adverts must be shot. Dead.

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