Once upon a time...no, wait. That's too cliche. OK. Um...on a dark, dark day...no, already been done. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, no, no! Urgh. Hang on.
Once, on a really quite dark, seasonally rainy night in early November, a baby girl was born. She was rather ordinary. Certainly, there was nothng abnormal about her. She was born in Shrewsbury, in Shropshire (the Midlands). At the time, both of her parents were still quite young, although they had always wanted a baby girl. Everyone said the normal, prerequisite baby stuff (oh, isn't she cute?! She has her Mum's eyes...). But, to be quite honest, she wasn't cute. Most of the time, she had a face like Jamie Oliver's Crushed Tomato Salsa, all scrunched up and red. Her toddlerhood and early childhood passed, both faily unremarkable, punctuated only with the birth of her little brother, almost two years on from her own. Over time, her family did move to a lot of places, and she went to several new schools. Subsequently, far from being emotionally damaged, she is in fact reluctantly social; meaning, she doesn't want to be. She just can't help being so damned popular (HEAVY IRONY HEAVY IRONY HEAVY IRONY). Eventually, the family settled down in a place called Burghfield, for three or so years. In that time, they made a few friends, got back in touch with old ones, and went to a nice school. Wahoo! No. Not really. They moved to Thatcham, which admittedly looks pretty at Christmas. And besides, it's not that bad once you get used to the smell of cigarette smoke. No, it really isn't that bad. Unfortunately, not many of the family's friends live close to Thatcham, so they're pretty lonely. But it's cool, because both of the children are the epitome of antisocial anyway, so it's fine. The son just loves the PS3, and the daughter is quite happy just hanging around with her boyfriend mostly. So it's all fine. And they go to a nice-ish school too. To conclude, wahoo!