26 February, 2011

Online courage.

Because we've just had half term (read: a week of sleep), and I only got Facebook recently, I'm begining to realise that a week apart from each-other and the revolutionary mask of the InterWeb makes people so much braver; pointless arguements stem from extremely obscure comments, or totally innocent ones, which lead to people inexplicably calling me names, and telling me what they really think. In a way, it's healthy. It's also extemely annoying; I now know that not that many people actually like me as much as I thought they did. They're always willing to be on the majority's side, which is pretty stupid. I LOVE being exiled, I find it comical and peaceful. Besides, what good are friends to me, anyway? The only friends I need I already have, and they're a damn sight better than these rubbishy fake ones. It's stupid, because so many people are obviously desperate to have a pop at me, purely to ease their consciences and further to avoid being seen with me in future. It's because they haven't seen me for over a week now, and because I can be quite annoying online, incessantly spell-checking and correcting grammar. But that's merely an excuse to start an arguement about something stupid, and then it all comes out; my misguidences over the past few years, my intolerable behaviour, and my complete inability to work with others. Pathetic really, as I'm so obviously none of those things. Just kidding, I know how annoying I am! But you know what? I love it :) I absolutely LOVE being me, and to hell with self-deprication and modesty for but a minute; I find it absolutely fantastic to feel so in control, and to know I don't have to bow and scrape to these mongs. I find it empowering when my world doesn't shatter because yet another rich-b**** decides I'm not flavour of the Month.
And lastly, hurrah for the Facebook Cull! An indirect way of letting someone know that you really don't care that they don't like you, but you don't want to waste anymore Wall Space on them. I think the unsuspected blocking of someone is far more effective than saying, 'Hey. I don't like you'. It's not cowardly, it's just funny.

24 February, 2011

Anyone for a bit of a story?

Surely it can't be this easy? Andrew McGarthy repeated the same question, over and over in his head, in time to the breathless pounding of his boot-clad feet on the empty pavement. With every breath, his heart felt fit to burst, and as he rounded the corner, it shot into his throat. There, there was what he had tried so hard to escape from; shattered glass twinkling on the floor, like sinister shooting stars on the dull ground; the incessant moan and wail of the police sirens, sounding horribly out of key as two hit the same note; people shrieking, sobbing, staring. A little dog, lying on its side, two beautiful, glittering eyes staring blankly up at the moon, absorbing the ethreal glow.

Of course, the crime scene wasn't to do with the dog. It was to do with the thirteenth combustion this month. The dog, the poor little creature had been tied to the shop entrance when the glass front had spilled into the air, almost fluently, with the unmistakeable jangling-type sound that could only accompany glass. One paticularly nasty-looking, jagged piece had hit the mutt in the underside of its belly, scoring a long, deep, dark hole which was oozing dark blood in a deathly calm puddle on the road.

23 February, 2011

Self-indulgent tripe. Again. Sorry!

BOENBIOABHEW. I don't care about being popular. I honestly don't; I don't mind it, but I wouldn't sacrifice my dignity, life and friends already for it. I'm quite happy being me, but, also being me, I quite liked it when for once I actually did something, acted friendly towards other members of my tutor group that I previously have sparred with, admittedly. My reward was being welcomed into a different friendship group to my normal one, which meant I had made new friends. This is rather a big deal for me, truth be told, and I enjoyed it! I enjoyed getting tagged in photos on Facebook that I would normally have bypassed totally. But then, one of the girls in this group, a newish girl, she's moving schools. Back to her old school, after only half a year at ours...we're all going to miss her, she has been a friendly presence in our tutor group for the past term and a half. So, I was making friends with her and all the others...and then I found out (also on Facebook, hallellujah) that she was inviting everyone in the tutor group plus some others bowling. Tomorrow, actually. Naturally, this didn't include me, which annoyed me; but for her to then LIE about it, claiming that one of our mutal friends had said I was going on holiday so I couldn't make it...the stupid thing is, I actually believed her. Heh! Silly Beth; I questioned Calum (the friend in question) why he'd lied to her. I had told him nothing of the sort; turns out, he told HER nothing of the sort. Right. So, she lied, trying to get one of my friends into trouble with me, for lying, when it was her, lying to save face, just because she didn't want me there. WHAT?! I understand that I'm excessively sarcastic, sometimes minorly cruel and quite cynical...but, we had made friends! There are worse than me in the tutor group...honestly! Maybe I can't see it, because, y'know, I'm me...but surely if I was so awful, I wouldn't have landed such a brilliant boyfriend and some stunning friends? It's not fair; if they find me so utterly unbearable, then why don't they tell me? Be honest, step forward, and speak up. Believe me, it only takes one. I don't know if this way is better, being tricked into thinking I'm liked :L or actually finding out that not that many people really like me very much, at all.

16 February, 2011

Abuse nowadays.

I love getting abuse; what happened to the good old days when it was childish, oh so childish, but so creative? A lot of time, effort and thought was invested in 'You're a slimy pig-face poo idiot moron. No-one likes you because you smell and you pick your nose and you're stupid.'. I didn't have mind my Mum calling me that because at least she cared enough to be inventive about it. All I get now is 'slut', 'whore', and sometimes even 'lesbian'.

I know I'm so clearly none of these things which it what makes it so funny; this is why I've developed a dreadful sarcasm addiction; and by that, I don't mean dreadful at all, I mean highly amusing. I'm only sarcastic because it's the best way to stave off such pathetic accusations. If I really believed everything these idiots said to me, I would be wrecked. Bu luckily I have a brain and I don't. Another point is that my friend is leaving my school after only half an academic year there; she doesn't want to go and we don't want her to either, but she has to return to her old, all-girls' school. This is a major problem, because a lot of her ''friends'' abandoned her when she went to 'common school' (just because ours isn't fee-paying like theirs?!) and now they think she's rough as sandpaper. This obviously is ridiculous, but it's not so easy to laugh when you've had to leave all of your friends behind and venture back into the place you never wanted to see again. Why are we hated for what we are? Why are we hated from straying from the type? It's ridiculous in that we all have to conform to some imperfect, flawed image in our equally imperfect, flawed society...

14 February, 2011

So she has a heart!

Once there was a boy and a girl. This could be any other love story except he was the Prince and she was the frog :D he was kind, caring, funny, beautiful...fantastic. She wasn't really anything special. So, they met. She stalked him, they got it on, they got it off, they got it on, they got it off...on and on and on this went for quite a few months. Until, one nights, once everything had been confessed, her wrongdoings and his mislead actions, they finally started again. Embarking uon a romance that, whilst only young, was still sweet and beautiful. They talked and talked for hours on end, every week. Every day that the girl saw him, her heart would leap in anticipation. Of course it couldn't be perfect. Nothing ever is when you're in love. But whilst there were tears shed, hearts broken and love lost, there was always the light at the end of the long, broken tunnel. This story was never meant to be a love story. It was never meant to be funny, not tragic, nor thrilling, nor adventurous. What it is, is the truth. This is why, after almost ten months of rocking on a fast train, on a random Sunday evening, this girl put her life on hold for her prince :) his many kisses had turned her into something beautiful.

If time stopped
I'd let it
As long as it meant
I could be with you
If the world
Stopped spinning
The only place I'd want to be
Is with you
Maybe one day
Sometime soon
We can forget all the stupid things
That make up our lives
And just have each-other
It's the little things
In life
They say
That count
But my love for you
Isn't little at all
It fills the secret place
In our minds
Where we met
One day :)

I promised myself I wouldn't but...

So, you're like, my best friend right? Oh sorry, ex-best friend. Really quite ex now, aren't you? Really far away. Always acting like you don't care, holding your head high...but we both know why that is, don't we? It's because you don't want the tears to fall from your eyes. I know, because I feel the same way. What kind of screwed-up world is this where I can't even admit to it properly? It's because the wedge driven between us has grown and grown and now I barely see you. I can't help what I feel. I get angry. You get angry. Neither of us listens. I tried to listen to you, oh I really tried. I tried to make things better again. I'm always trying. Trying to make it better, to make it hurt less. To keep anything and everything from hurting you. I guess it's my fault for wanting respect for that...or maybe...just maybe it isn't my fault. Maybe you're to blame too. Maybe it's both of us. Maybe some things just don't work out. I would apologise if I meant it, but over the entire course of this arguement you've said things and you've done things that I didn't even know went on in your brain. You're a totally different person to the friend I used to know, and if something as little as an arguement can vhange you that swiftly, I guess I don't really know you at all. I'm sorry it had to end this way, but I'm not really sorry at all.

02 February, 2011

Ego Trips shouldn't be allowed near children.

Ever since the new school was erected (oo-er), we've had to congregate in the freezing cold Hub every Wednesday for twenty minuts ro half an hour to listen to our stupid head teacher moan on about nothing. Honestly, it is nothing; complete and utter pointless drivel. What I mean is, today for example, she was talking about Chinese New Year, which to be fair isn't drivel, but then she started telling us that she didn't want to hear of any racial slurs to ruin the celebrations (?!) and that because St. Barts (my school) is closely tied with a community in Shanghai, we were going to have our own special little celebrations at school- the day AFTER New Year's Day- for a small fee. For the cost, we will get to sample original Chinese delicacies- Hello?! I live in Thatcham Town, land of the takeaway. I can't turn a corner for seeing the Little Szechuan, or Fry 5-ty Five; I'm not, and I assume no-one else is either, or at least very few, an ignorant little child; I'm a world-weary fourteen-year old, I'm not a cat. So, for half an hour every blessed week, we get to listen to my stupid, Northern-sounding, mascara-wearing, saggy-faced headteacher bring religion into abolustely EVERYTHING, including flipping P.E, which, as everyone knows, would not be around if there was a God...it was only invented to appease the sadists among us. To conclude, you with your stupid cordless microphone can go and shove it, Mrs. H, because to be frank, I'm really not happy with wasting half an hour of my life, MY time, listening to you talk about how we should all broaden our horizons, pull together, help a friend, smile at a dog...whatever. I'm not a racist, ignorant idiot who thinks that black people should come with a spare change of batteries! I'm not like that! I think that if you keep banging on about how bad racism and Atheism are, people are going to start to talk. I know this, because I'll make sure it happens! Grrrr....