28 May, 2011

Principles and Principalities

I just heard an advert about the Guardian giving away 40 pairs of free tickets to Glastonbury this year, and I didn't apply on principle; because it's the Guardian.
Likewise, yesterday in English we were doinbg something to do with newspapers and I was paired with a boy ho brought in the Guardian...FML. So we were perusing this farce of a newspaper to find a decent article. Did we hell! The first one that caught (no. 'Caught' is too weak an adjective. 'Snatched' is more like it) my eye was one entitled something to the tune of 'Is The Coalition Government Overlooking Women?'. I will be the first to admit that yes, this new government is overlooking a lot of things, but women? Come on, REALLY? First, the Coalition is media-appeasement, then politically inadequate, now gender-specific? Jeez, it's like a bitch-fight. But whatever. The next article that caught my (now screaming in agony) eye was a piece about the fact that young people ('Children', they're known as, Mr. Media, thank you!) are learning to get a decent killstreak on CoD (tweet at @SmokeyRift if you need a further explaination) faster than they're learning to speak. In other words, Children Play Too Many Video Games. Well, not really. Thirty years ago, it was that children are watching too much T.V. In thirty years' time it'll be that children are rife in the streets, hitting each-other with hovercarts.
My next bone of contention is the fact that for reasons best known to themselves, a proposition has recently aroused for the building of Wind Turbines all across glorious Mid-Wales. Well, firstly, the principle reason for bulding these ''bird-crunching, bat-chomping, view-blighting, rent-seeking monstrosities'' (All quotes taken from; http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/jamesdelingpole/100088906/wales-is-in-danger-why-isnt-the-prince-of-wales-saving-it/) is that they will conform to this ridiculous (and rapidly snowballing) idea of humans being responsible for Global Warming (or, sorry, Climate Change now, isn't it? The classic sign of a lie, changing your story...) when in reality, humans are only responsible for just over 0.05% of all CO2 emissions globally, the biggets contenders being rotting vegetation and...cows. So, when you're next tempted to buy a Toyota Prius, punch yourself. Hard. The second reason we shouldn'[t even be entertaining the notion of considering toying with the idea of building these great (and by great, I mean HUGE) THINGS is that it's not strictly fiscally responsible, what with all the time, money, energy and resources being poured into the construction of each site, something that the very proposal has promised to restore plentifully. To conclude, this is why no-one likes the Labour party.

24 May, 2011

A 30-day challenge in five minutes?!

1) Introduce yourself;
Gah. I hate these things. So, okay, hi. My name's Beth and I'm an alchoholic. No, I'm joking, that was A JOKE. Yep. I think I'm funny and no-one else really does, I'm rubbish at some things but brilliant at others and I don't mind saying I'm not the ugliest one on the bench. So, that's me!
2) Your first love;
Um. I won't say his name cos, confidentiality and all that. So, he's tall and lovely and wonderful. He's purple and ginger and brilliant. Whenever he's not around I feel a bit like a small child, but whenever he is, I feel like the most powerful girl in the world. He means the most to me.
3) My parents;
My parents are BABES, to be quite honest with ya's. My Dad is tall and he's very cool. My Mum is small and very lovely. They're both there whenever I need them for unconditional love and occasionally some arguements but hardly EVER. I love them both very much :)
4) What I ate today;
Breakfast- I ate a hideous mixture of Shreddies and Chocolate Weetabix Mini's, because we had to use up the last of the Shreddies and my conniving little brother wouldn't finish them ;D and of course you cannot put brown sugar on flavoured Weetabix. Hello? Fundamentally WRONG.
Lunch- I had a chicken-and-French-Fry-(Cheese and Onion-Sandwich, an apple, a square of brownie and a square of granola bar, and a LITTLE STARS BLACKCURRANT JELLY!!
Dinner- not sure yet, but it smells laaaaarvely...
And of course I drank lots and lots of water...
5) My definition of love;
Ah, come on! I can barely define MYSELF. Okay. Love. Love is an age-old arguement ranging through every town and city. Every second, billions of people fall in and out. Love can lift you up to higher then you knew you could go, and have you ten feet under the ground. If you ever forget that someone loves you, then by the next morning, they won't anymore. Love hurts. But it's so, so worth it.
6) My day;
My day today was remarkably uneventful. And by that I mean nothing of major interest happened. I woke up at 6:30, left for school at 7:10, got there at 7:30, French at 8:50, P.E at 9:50, break at 10:50-11:10, History at 11:10, tutorial (Assembly) at 12:10, Lunch at 12:30, Maths at 1:30, R.E at 2:30, HOMETIME. Got home at 4:45, did jobs, did revision, and here I am!
7) My best friend;
The sun shines out of her face when she smiles. She melts my heart with her unconditional beauty, love and trust. Sometimes, I wish I was like her. Sometimes, I wish I was her. She makes me want to be a better person, because with everything she puts up with, I've no right to complain. She really is fantastically brilliant and beautiful. I love her more than the world.
8) A moment;
60 seconds can feel like an hour or a second, depending on your situation. Time's all relative, right? So, dancing to your favourite music can take an hour but feel like five minutes. Waiting for that all important message can take five minutes and feel like an hour.
9) My beliefs;
I really hope that everyone believes in something. It makes the world so much brighter if you do; it makes you feel safe, and not alone. I believe in ghosts, angels, wishes and coincedence. I don't believe in God, Heaven or Fate. I don't think that if you beleive in one thing, you should beleive in everything like it. That's why I don't believe in religion; I think that if there was a God, He would want us to live our lives according to us. He made us that way for a reason. I would never, ever disrespect someone else's beliefs, they're amazing, precious things. No-one should ever feel like they're stupid for hoping.
10) What I wore today;
School uniform mainly- black skirt, white shirts, green-purple-white-striped tie (favourite thing ever!), black blazer, purple gym shorts underneath, school shoes, black t-shirt,
P.E kit- white polo top, purple gym shorts, P.E skirt, ankle socks, trainers,
Everything else- two necklaces, two bracelets, an anklet, a green and black checked shirt and blue skinny jeans.
11) My siblings;
Okay, I only have the one. My little BABY brother who's now taller, stronger and more grown-up then I am, which is DEPRESSING! Cor. He literally shot up over the space of about a week. Growthspurt? Try growthROCKET! Also, I know we argue and bicker all the time, but no we're both growing up, it means a lot to me that we're becoming closer and he can talk to me about more stuff. I LOVE YOU, DUDE.
12) What's in my bag;
I don't have a bag, only a school bag. What's in that? Okay...RE Book, French books, Maths books, History books, planner, pencil case, umbrella, water bottle!
13) This week;
It's only Tuesday and although the half term's coming far too fast for my liking, it does feel nice to be able to look forward to a week of nothingness. School isn't excactly taxing but somtimes it just grates on you. But so far, this week has been okay, to be honest. I've not really done very much of interest, save my epic face-punch today, but apart from that...no? :)
14) My dreams;
My dreams are funy things; sometimes they involve conversations I had earlier that day, sometimes fleeting thoughts, something absolutely nothing at all. But I can always remember them when I wake up.
15) My first kiss;
It was at a school disco, we were both sweaty and out of breath, our hearts were pounding and we linked together and joined lips. A rush went to my head, me, thinking, ''I'm kissing the nicest boy I've ever met!'' and a rush comes to my head now as I remember that boy I kissed, the boy I'm still with all these months later :)
16) My favourite memory;
Standing, shivering on a beach in Mexico with my Dad and my Brother at three in the morning, watching the sunrise on the beach, dressed in my party clothes from the night before, with my brother asleep on a sunlounger. Best holiday.
17) Favourite birthday;
Of mine? Probably this last one; Paloma Faith and Eliza Doolittle at the Apollo with my lovely Marmee, all dressed up, stood in that crowd, being glared at by bush-baby eyes :)
18) Something I regret;
Letting this amazing person go when I had a proper chance at happiness. But then again, I wouldn't change all the breakups, because everything turned out like this.
19) This month;
It's been pretty eventful, but it's gone so flipping fast! I barely touched upon the Mayday, the royal wedding seems like a distant memory and even my month-aversary was forever ago! It's been a good month, a sad month, and one for remembering.
20) Another moment;
Standing on the school field, watching my friend Joe perform this aaaaamazing tackle on a Year Ten boy who cockily stole his rugby ball. The boy went sauntering past, Joe lets out, ''RRRRRAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!'', runs to him and tackles him s hard that for a split second, the boy's face, stapled by surprise, stays in the air after his body. I live for moments like this.
21) Something that upsets me;
Loosing all my friends because of a rumour, a secret or a lie. It's unfair.
22) Something that makes me feel better;
Dancing with my boyfriend in his bedroom to awesome songs. Singing to him the lyrics of a song that hold my feelings :)
23) Something that makes me cry;
Lying flat on my back in bed at night, whispering, and gazing at the ceiling. Talking to my Granddad. Telling him how I am, how the family are, what I'm doing at school. Updating with any relevant news, cracking a few weak jokes, always ending with how much I miss him, still. But I know he's happy now :)
24) A first;
Having truly the best, honest, genuine friends a girl could ask for. A welcome gift after two years of blank faces.
25) My fears;
Proper fears- Needles and deep water.
General fears- loosing people I love, being alone, being hated, being the same as everyone else, being in trouble, getting lost, making someone unhappy.
26) My favourite place;
Watergate Bay, North Cornwall. I love this beach so much, and the restaurant, and the coastal paths, and the sea, and the beach and the sand. I love the memories they arouse by just tasting the fresh air, feeling the sand beneath my feet. Walking along acres of damp, reflective sand, dragging my board determinedly to find the perfect place to get in and go. Paddling right out with my Dad, being so scared about a huge wave rising, but catching it and feeling like the Queen of the World ;D
27) Something that I miss;
The closeness, and comfort, of being in Junior school. Of being protected by teachers and parens, not having any responsibilites, nothing to worry about. The worst thing that could happen was not being invited to someone's birthday party...
28) My aspirations;
To be happy. In a clean, tidy, white, airy flat in London, with a gorgeous farmhouse in Cornwall waiting. To know how to surf, to have a job that I ADORE and that pays fantastically well. To have a Volkswagen Beetle. To be with my boyfriend forever :) to get married on a beach. To go to at least 100 gigs in my lifetime. To do the MDS with my Dad in 2019. To live forever.
29) A song;
Kiss Me- New Found Glory. This is my love song.
30) One last moment;
An average teenager, sat here typing this post, dancing to the White Stripes, clicking her tongue and generally fidgeting. That's me :)

23 May, 2011

Peter Pan-ism.

I know I keep depsising everyone who's growing up too fast. And I do, I promise. It gets boring when we talk to a friend we haven't seen in a while and scarcely recognise them. Maybe it's kind of my fault. But then again, maybe not.
Sometimes I wish I didn't feel like I was being left behind. Everyone around me, even my little baby brother, even my boyfriend...they're all moving on, growing up. I saw a stunning picture of my best friend the other day, I barely recognised her because when she's by herself she's so brave, and gorgeous and fantastic and strong. And yes, Millie, that's about you. I don't look grown-up, I look about ten, which when matched with my incongruous vocabulary just makes me sound a little bit wierd. My brother is about four inches taller than me, even though he's a good year and a half younger. My Mum and Dad seem about a foot taller nowadays too, and so does my boyfriend and all our friends at school, they all tower over me. Now, not going to lie but I quite like feeling small sometimes :) but after a while, it gets kind of lonely. I suppose, even everyone in my tutor group, my bunch for the past three years, they're all growing and changing, I don't recognise a single one of them. I'm glad I've changed, I'm happy...because I wasn't happy last year, or the year before, but now I am.

Mostly.

Because I just want to know if I missed the meeting entitled 'How To Grow Up'...it's probably a lesson worth learning.

Just say if you're not into it :)

My new favourite song.
I'm going to a gig on Monday night with one of the coolest girls on the planet :D I cannot wait. Ever heard of Mayday Parade? SEEING THEM. GAH. I cannot wait. Way better than that awful concert at Newbury Racecourse over the weekend, with The Wanted. EW. EW. EW. Nah, Mayday Parade is going to be so good! And although I'm really excited, I'm also kind of scared a little bit; it'll be my third gig and my first without parents...so, I'm a little bit nervous; I'm too fragile to be buffeted by the cruel moshers of Oxford! But I'm sure I'll be fine :D
In other news, I've my exams the week after half term, which is next week. Which, come to think of it, is actually really stupid because we've just come back from the nearly month-long Easter holiday that we had. So why are we getting in another half term? It's called half-term for a REASON! And this also means that after the week of freedom, we've got like, TEN weeks back at school before the summer which might not sound like much but DRAGS. That means ten lessons of I.T, FORTY lessons of English, Thirty of Maths and fifteen each of French and German, and History and Geography. I could go on but I'm getting depressed. Also, bearing in mind that each lesson is an hour long, there are five lessons in every school day, that makes a total of 250 HOURS of learning! OH MY GOD. And I get exams straight after I get back. Fan-frigging-tastic. Could be worse though, I suppose; at least I have a chance for some decent revision over half-term. A lot of my year are going away to Morocco on World Challenge for the whole week, which means no revision for them. AND the teachers aren't being lenient on this one either, which, in a bleak kind of way, is actually grimly satisfying. It gets so waring all the time, living your life trying to make everything FAIR. Pah. We need to get out of this ridiculous mindframe of being fair. Life isn't fair.

22 May, 2011

Ahkaaaaay...

Wow. I just love it when someone randomly decides you're a shhhlaag. And doesn't even have the decency to tell you either. Nope, Facebook works! >.< yeah. So, I'm a slag.
Why?
Possibility number one; All my friends are mostly boys.
This is probably the most plausible one. I always know what my 'boy'friends are thinking, where they are and how they feel. And the best part? I didn't have to put out to gain this friendship! Wahoo. I'll tell you the main reason I'm so close to all the boys I AM so close to; it's because they were there when the girls weren't. The boys were there and talking to me about our favourite films and music when across the classroom the entire group of girls was just a big laughing mass, pointing and whispering at me. Yep. They knew I was afraid to look round at them, they knew that I was shaking, so they just hugged me, punched each-other and generally cheered me up.
Possibility number two; the way I act.
Ahkay, so I'm friendly. Yep, some would say over-friendly. I personally wouldn't. I have a lush boyfriend, and I know where the boundaries of friendship and flirting overlap. So I always make sure to stay no the right side of those boundaires. Sure, a few boys would joke and try and touch my bottom (:O) but that's all it is, A JOKE! I'm not getting with every single boy I come into contact to, and if anyone cared to listen to me, then they'd know that. Cor, talk about prejudgement...
Possibility number three; my being 'different'.
Grrrrr. It's so hard to be yourself nowadays! Melodrama? I don't think so. I think it's more...truthful. So what if I want to come to school with unstraightened hair and no makeup? So what if I want to do daft little plaits and put eyeliner on? SO WHAT if I want to wear no tights even when it's freezing outside? I'M WHO I AM. And the people that don't like that, then they don't like me. I cannot help what I am, if that means wanting to be different then so be it?!

Moral of the post;
Just because I get on with the boys, doesn't mean I get OFF with the boys.
Nicely...

15 May, 2011

Stories and emails.

I'm rather bored today, so what I did was I went and looked at some of my old Hotmail emails. I meean, OLD old. Really old. Like, two years old. Back with I used to write 'i luv u x x x x' instead of 'I love you :)'. Urgh. My spelling makes me feel ill. Why on earth did I think that it was cool? It's not efficient, it takes longer to process the words you want to say into this rubbishy abbreviated English. RSHEJ6AJW\RJUJ. Gah. It annoys me.
Moving on, though.
I was flicking back through some old emails and I stumbled across a few between me and an old boyfriend. (I say a few, I mean about fifteen thousand). We were talking and talking about everything, and it was around the time when I went to the O2 in London in 2009 (my Year Seven) to perform with about 30 other schools, singing Beatles songs. It was amazing! And as I was reading them, I was transported back to when I was writing them. I remembered every detail of writing each email, sent with a huge smile on my face. At this point, I feel I should tell you that at this point I was going out with a boy whom I'm rather good friends with nowadays...sometimes...and we split up (probably for the better, he's such a cad) after this concert. The day after, in fact.
But the point I'm trying to make is that whilst reading these emails bounced back and forth between the two of us, I could feel how happy I was...it was cringe-worthy, really, I died on the inside when I looked at some of the godawful cheesy stuff I used to say...and feeling how happy I was made it even worse because I knew what was coming.
Have you ever read such a good book that when there's an unexpected bit in it, it makes you jump? Yeah. No sounds, no images, just words. Powerful books...well, it was a bit like that. I didn't jump but when I read the breakup emails I felt shocked. Not sad, because I don't miss him at all, truth be told, he's an idiot :L a lovely idiot, but still an idiot. But I think it's important sometimes, to hold onto the big turning points in your life. That was my first relationship since moving to a completely different school, and it was pretty powerful stuff. I just don't get it really. I don't understand why old events concerning frankly unimportant people should still draw me toward them. It's odd.
But hey, so's life.

13 May, 2011

Trust me.

Hello you. If you're reading this it means you've finally caved in, or are about to. Well, don't. Because I know you...I know that if I tilt your chin up and meet your eyes I will see a glimmer of hope and impossibility. I know that you know you can do anything. You're so much more powerful than you think. Beautiful girls shouldn't be sad. You can do anything. You have the entire world at your feet, waiting for your next move. So, what are you going to do? You can do anything. You could run. You could run away, and hide, and waste this fantastic, glimmering opportunity at living, laughing and loving, like you know you want to. Or you can sqaure your shoulders, say 'Bring it' and wait with a pulsing heart, wait for anything. Everything. Yeah, you. And know that at the end, you'll always have me. Or, you'll always have us. And you know why? Because we're clever. Oh, my darling, we're too clever to let you go. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You dazzle me, you make me feel so strong. And if I lost that, then I don't know what I'd do. Yes, I need you, but you? Yes, you...you don't need anyone. You are so, so strong and brave. I can see behind that smile, I can see you. I know that you're needing to hurt, to cry. And I know that you will. But don't you dare think you're alone. Every single day, from now until the end of time, I will be here. I will be wherever you are. Yeah, you. You. The one who doesn't need to be alone. The one who is loved. And cherished. Because the people you have are the clever ones, who've stuck it out, and will never let you go. Don't feel sad. Don't feel broken-hearted. We're holding you together, we're lifting you up. You may think you need us, but you don't, we need you. You've seen a side of me that no-one else ever has. You're the only person I feel this close to. You're the one that makes me stronger. And you're the one holding my hand. Oh my darling, don't ever feel like you need to cry alone. Beautiful girls shouldn't cry...it's even wrose when that happens. Whatever comes our way, I love you. I love you so, so much. Don't even forget that. You're really, really not alone. I promise you, beautiful girl, I promise you that I'll never say goodbye. I'll say goodnight instead. I'll say 'see ya later'. Because I will...I'll never leave you. I can't. You're you. You're everything. You irrovocably draw me to you.

08 May, 2011

Please don't turn your back.

One of the biggest gestures of finality you can hope to do nowadays is turning your back. Be that literally or figuratively, turning your back on someone or something indicates that you've given up. You've completely and totally lost interest, or rather, have been shot down once too often. There's a lot of people I know who've turned their back. Some on me, some on life, some on education. And I think that unless you intend to stick with the action, such is the ultimatum of it that you can barely hope to pull it off unless you see it through. So, now, I'm trying it back. I'm turning my back on the friends who weren't friends, on the many times my calls have been ignored, on trying to give as best I can when all I get is rejection. I'm turning my back and you can't possibly make me change my mind. We walk on thin ice nowadays, and one wrong move could send you plummeting into icy depths which you hoped never to face again. This is why I'm turning my back. Because you made me drown.