Today was a Curriculum Day at my school, which meant I had no normal lessons, just focused on two topics all day. The first was MFL (Modern Foreign Languages) of which I had to write, and perform with my group, an entire play in French (we did Goldilocks and the Three Bears, or Boucle D'Or et le trois Ors). It was pretty fun, we got filmed and there was an EPIC fight scene at the end of it, which none of us had entirely planned :L
The second part of the day was R.E, and we had to walk up the hill to the country's first eco-friendly chruch, St. George's in Newbury (their website is http://www.georgesgoesgreen.com) and I was scoffing all the way there. I think my phrase of choice was something like, ''Religion and the environment, two of my favourite things!''. so yeah, scoffing and complaining was I, looking forward to a quick nap during the talk. I'm not putting down the Reverend, I think it's lovely that he gave up his time to talk to us about something that he was obviously very proud of. The thing I dislike is having it shoved down our throats, the obviously underlying message being, ''You're making the angels cry when you use hairdryers''. I wish they didn't get the church involved to shame us into being more eco-friendly, because quite frankly, it just makes me quite disdainful. If anything, I'd rather be told to switch off plugs by Nyan Cat, maybe then I'd listen.
Admittedly, for the most part, I was drifting in and out of daydreams, concentrating on how smooth and even the ceiling was, an OCD's absolute dream. But, right near the end the talk veered off into religion. As you probably know if you're a regular reader of Whimsical Ramblings, I'm a firm Athiest, and I don't believe in God. So, when the Reverend was talking about expressing ourselves in ways other than talking, and stopping our MP3 players and turning off the T.V's, but listening to our voices inside, I was still a bit scoffy. But then he talked about lighting candles. He invited five people to volunteer and come up to light a candle, because, he said, ''It will help to release your inner hopes, desires, dreams and fears. It's a prayer for something beyond words''. I was a bit afraid to put my hand up, even though I wanted to. So I waited until the first, the second, the third person had come up, lit a candle, stood to face the Church for a prayer, then come back down. At the fourth, I apprehensively put my hand up but another girl got there first. So by the fifth, I was determined. My hand shot up, and I pipped tthe others to the post. I came up to the front and i swear the Reverend could read my mind, as I was thinking about lighting a candle for my nannan and Grandad, two of only a few people in the world whom I loved unconditionally and miss every single day. The others prayers he read from the book of Psalms were about loving God, your family, friends and being thankful for your health. My prayer was about loosing loved ones, and having enough faith in God that we shoul trust that they are happier with him; there's no more pain, or sadness, or fighting. At this point, my head ducked down and I did start to cry, I admit.
Sometimes, when the things that you least expect come out of the blue and lapdance your face, it shocks you a bit. It really, really caught me off guard to know that it wasn't JUST me who felt that way about loosing someone. That sounds really self-centered but I can't explain it. Sometimes, I wish someone could be me so they could know what I was thinking, so I wouldn't have to try and explain. I want to get my thoughts out there to anyone who will listen. I know it seems like a lot, but this blog is just a fraction of my brain words.
To conclude, I think that now, although I'm not suddenly all religious, and I'm still doubtful that there's a God, it's reassuring to know that if there IS someone out there, up there, in there, wherever, then the people I love aren't alone. I've always known that they're up there, together, all of them. Everyone I lost is up there, spending all there time doing the things they want to do, and finally being a bit free.
And for all the times when I felt sad because I missed them, if there's a way I can get back to that, to let them know how much i care, then i'm willing to try it.
I really want to thank the Reverend (I won't say his name...) because I swear he could read my mind at that moment, and even though he couldn't, I felt for a second like someone else knew my mind inside out. Whether that was a coincedence or not, it made me finally believe in something bigger and better than all of us, and that's one of the best gfts I think I've ever had. I need to go and think about this now. Thank you :]