29 November, 2011

Being vain about it.

So yep. Just broke up with my boyfriend and you know what? To hell with pride and dignity, I'm hurting so I'll damn well write a post if I want to.

Twenty months. All it took was a few jumbled words to end all of that; I'd even planned what I was going to say. Something along the lines of, ''I'm trying the whole letting you go idea. If you come back to me, you're mine. If you don't, thanks for the best eighteen months of my life.'' (yep, the past two months have been a total write-off...I don't count them as a relationship...which, I suppose, is why it ended).
People have heard about it. News travels fast when you're needlessly panicking in the school Hub space :L and, I don't mind. Not really, I don't relish it but I understand why people want to know. We'd earned the reputation for being the strongest, longest-standing couple in school. And now? That's gone.

And I suppose, it's difficult to explain fully why. I've been asked by a lot of people what triggered it, why today in particular. I suppose the final trigger was last night, when we had the brief conversation about what we wanted. That was the weakest possible conversation two people could ever hold, and I guess something just died then. :L I think we both knew it was over, and had been for a while. I don't know why it was so difficult to let go. Even now, once it's over, I'll cry for no reason. Try and rid myself of the memories, of any trace that he ever existed. But, it's teenage drama, you know? I am only fifteen, not even a quarter of my life has been lived yet and I have so, so much to look forward to.

It's just hard right now. Thank you so much, to every single person who gave me a kind word or a hug today. I feel guilty being so upset, but I figure I can't help it, so.
And, thank you to the best friends possible any girl could wish for...Amber, the one who brings me her fit uncle's hoodie for me to wear, and buys me food that I love. Nina, the one who makes me laugh so hard, and forces me to look forward to all the lessons and plans we have together. And Millie, the girl who had let my horrible tears wash down her front for the past month, give or take; without you guys, I would not be okay.

I love you all!

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