31 May, 2013

The type of person I'd like to be...

I wish, wish, wish I could tell you guys that I'm sat here at the moment, with my hair perfectly caught up with a pencil, beautiful, simple clothes on, and a perfectly centred, tidy mind, body, soul, room, life, everything. In reality? I'm in a baggy green top from TopMan, rugby shorts and socks. My room could do with a once-over, I've still got a load on my mind and all I seem to be capable of is blogging, revising (preferably without moving from this chair) and listening to music. And you know what? I'm going to buck this trend, this prepostorous thing we humans call 'pride', and admit it. Sometimes, I wish I were someone else. That's not to say I don't love aspects of my life, because of course, as you all well know, I do. I love my family, my friends, my possessions, my own sense of humour, my eyes...but, that stuff is somehow momentarily eclipsed when I think about things, or people, I want to have, or be. And of course, it gets boring being so full of feeeeeelings. Maybe I should aim for emotional stuntedness like my boyfriend? Repression like my brother? Sporadic like my parents? Instead it seems to be a constant STREAM of the stuff, just clouding my vision, shooting my judgement to pieces and generally bringing me down. Even when I'm happy, I'm TOO happy, and when I stop to catch breath I'll have a bittersweet taste in my mouth, as if even my body is trying to remind me that I'm trying too hard.

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